Tony Robbins: MOST AWESOME ADVICE EVER (Motivational Video 2018)
MUSIC: LUCAS KING
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Tony Robbins is a #1 New York Times best-selling author, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. For more than 37 years, millions of people have enjoyed the warmth, humor and dynamic presentation of Mr. Robbins’ corporate and personal development events. As the nation’s #1 life and business strategist, he¹s called upon to consult and coach some of the world¹s finest athletes, entertainers, Fortune 500 CEOs, and even presidents of nations.
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all right so let's get to it this morning first of all if you don't have a notebook raise your hand if you don't have something write on great find a human nearby because today what we're gonna share with you is probably worth writing down so you want to definitely capture it years ago I met a very very successful man he taught me something I never forgot for the rest of my life he said Tony whatever you do in your life whenever you find you're gonna go someplace where there are some great ideas and great resources he said always make sure you take a pen and paper he says what you want to do is you want to be able to capture those ideas and cement them to paper so you're gonna view them in the future back what he got me to do was to keep a journal and I would HIGHLY encourage you by the time you come to the next management session or maybe even during a break today if you wanted to to get yourself a hardbound journal hardbound journal meeting not a loose-leaf and you can get those in all kinds of stationery stores some religious book stores the bottom line is if you keep a journal you don't even write it every day but when you get thoughts or ideas you capture it there you can't believe it will happen just start to accumulate a wealth of knowledge and ability and skills and resources that not only will help you but you can help other people as well I've been keeping journals myself now for about a dozen years and I go back and review my life and ask – real values I think one is it gives you a chance to really see how much you've grown because how many of you have kids I'm curious how many do you have somebody can't say oh your kids really grown you know really because you're so close to them you don't notice it as much how many I found out to be true guess what it's even worse with yourself sometimes we don't give ourselves credit for the amount that we're growing but I'll tell you one thing if you keep a journal it will be hard to see how much you're growing because you'll see the kind of goals you have back then the kind of things you thought back in those days and you'll begin to see the evolution of your growth also I personally believe that life's worth living it's worth recording as an incredible gift to give to your children because some day they get to know exactly how you were at different times in your life and they get to learn your lessons without and go through it so I highly encourage you to do that but as a very minimum let's make sure we take notes you guys ready to crank let's do it so this whole weekend is about connecting and communication really it's about communication relationship how to make everything more worthwhile and the technology that we're gonna share with you this weekend has a unique name we call it reality bridging reality bridging gonna make you go into a deep trance trying to figure out what that means right we're gonna clarify for you but reality bridging it's the technology of the vital communication and true freedom so what you're gonna find is you're gonna find there's gonna be a vitality and your communication when you start using the techniques we're gonna teach you and there's gonna be a sense of absolute freedom where you can share with somebody what your real feelings are and never ever offend them they won't have to hear you and cry and feel bad and you will feel so bad either we want to make sure the communication is vital that you're always connecting that you feel good when you're communicating so does the person you're communicating with and it produces results that's our outcome and to be able to do that without having to worry creates an unbelievable level freedom for people because how many of you be honest have felt feelings at times and you're upset but you didn't share it because you didn't know how or you didn't share it because well you thought well maybe it's really about me or you didn't share it because you didn't want to offend somebody even though you were mad or upset I'm gonna have that experience in the past and when you don't share something what happens when you just keep it inside and build it up yeah it festers does it get better or worse it gets a lot worse and eventually what happens when you blow up about something that could have been handled so much easier along the way but then there's the other approach which is you're looking for things on a regular basis to be able to give people feedback about and some people develop that habit or you communicate in the way where basically you're communicating your feelings like you're upset but do you always have all the information no and so you're making a decision about how to feel based on false information how many you ever gotten upset later on felt a little dumb did you find out you're upset about something really should've been upset about so one philosophy says keep it inside a Lafosse he says we'll get it out well what if you get it out and then you find out you were wrong by the way do we like being wrong No so then what would we probably do justify defend well that's swell yeah I didn't know that but if you've done that before and that does not make a relation to work Plus that person gets upset it's kind of like anybody ever come up to you and say you know why are you upset and you're gone upset don't know yet you are you know I'm not yes you are well I'm getting upset okay that also happens unless we're really clear so what we're really gonna do is we're gonna start a whole basis of studying of communication to remember one thing and write this in your notes if you would and that is the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your communication the quality of your life is the quality of your communication period quality of your life is the quality of your communication now pretty basic idea nothing earth-shattering but I'm here to tell you that's thing and taught your entire life comes down to this the quality of your entire life comes down to the quality of how you communicate with home know know with whom first do you think and determines how you that's right quality of your life starts with the quality of how you communicate to yourself that's where it all starts how you feel is not based on the environment is it based like how you feel is that determine based on like whether or not you have lots of money yes or no what will mix the reaction on that one no no no it's not no absolutely not no how's that for incongruent communication from a lot of here okay some of you have a little mixed feelings about this down ship let me ask you a question how many of you know somebody who has tons of money and is still not happy interesting how many of you know somebody who doesn't have any money at all but seems very happy so does money determine your happiness yes or no how many know if you had lots of money though you'd be happy you're different I had your money I'd be having no problem give me your money we'll try okay people say money can buy happiness don't know where to shop now see that that's not gonna do it is it it's not the money it's how you communicate yourself about money your lack of it or the abundance you think you have by the way can people have an abundance but communicate to themself that they're still in scarcity yes or no absolutely so money doesn't do it's how you feel determined by whether or not the weather is good yes oh really are there people in freezing weather we're very happy yes or no are there people in hot weather they're very happy yes or no other people that are in either one of those weathers in the opposite degree that have opposite feelings does that transfer you out yet yes see the weather doesn't determine it is it what are you happy not determined by whether or not other people say they love you you go yes but you but it shouldn't so you sit there and all over yourself huh okay you're right it probably shouldn't but a lot of us connect that real directly but I got a question for you somebody comes up to you and they tell you how they come up and they hug you or they look to that certain special way or they kiss you passionately begin to come to attention gentlemen [Applause] now when all that stuff happens well all that stuff happens my question for you is wait what made all that happen was it really the kiss the did it Nidal mix-up and that's true kissing your dog will get you excited it wasn't a kiss it was the meaning you associated to that particular moment when tissue touched tissue in that unique way that's really it isn't it it isn't actually yes [Applause] it isn't actually the event itself is it it is rather what we communicated to ourselves about that event somebody hugged you and you feel good do they make you feel good yes for now now what makes you feel good is you've got a set of rules inside your head and say if somebody touches me quite like this they look like that sound smell feel like this then I get to say whew and so you say okay it's time to feel good your brain goes in and you start feeling good so the bottom line is we've determined how we feel by the way we communicate to ourselves by the meaning that we communicate about a situation see it's not the event determines how we feel it's the meaning that we associate to the event the terms how we feel and that meaning is something we create and we communicate to ourselves if you're upset about anything all upsets come down to the meaning you associate to something you're upset about something that's because you're thinking well that's because this means they don't care about me or this means I'm no longer in control or this means I'm not respect or this means all upset is based on a meaning and how many times we've been wrong when you linked up the meaning anybody's been wrong yes or now yes this means you ask so I'll guide you through this okay we've all been wrong so what we've got to really be able to do is to realize one thing and right at your notes nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that I give it nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that I give it nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that I give it you're the one that puts the label on what things mean and the last time you're with me I gave you a phrase and we talked about transformational vocabulary if you recall transformational vocabulary is the idea that we get all these pictures and sounds and feelings and sensations start to come in our body but we don't know what it means till we put a label on it so you've got all these things they feel uncomfortable they feel kind of painful and you call that humiliation well that intensify the feeling more than if you say you know I'm all frustrated yes or no you better believe it the label we put on our experience becomes our experience and we are the person doing the labeling now I've granted I'll agree that most of us are on automatic pilot we're using a labeling and a communication process that we don't even think about consciously and we can easily point to the people and show how they created that feeling for us and certainly they helped us to get into state they helped us by giving us some feedback but we still determine the feeling I give an example I was in Hawaii recently I couldn't believe it I read this article and I saw the thing on TV or they interviewed this guy he's out swimming and the shark came in bit his leg off yeah you think he's really upset why would you be upset of son if you lost your leg after the initial pain why would you stay upset because of the meaning you'd link to that right what would be the meaning that would make you feel upset all the time that's right the meaning of loss that you would lost something see almost all pain all pain you're ever gonna feel in your life the pain that people have that makes them upset it all starts with theirs I call it an emotional Anatomy it all starts in one place pain starts with number one I'll put it down at the bottom here a feeling of loss a feeling of loss now can you ever really lose anything only if you perceive that there's a loss is that true are you following me on this now for a second you can leave your loss if you perceive it in other words you have to tell yourself there's a loss you have to communicate do you lost something this man was not upset in fact he was concerned about the shark yeah he says guys are drugs no he was sincere because his belief was that number one he was responsible not the shark because he was a swimmer and he knew that in the air he was were sharks and if he's thrashing around on the top they think if the turtle will come after him but his concern was that people are so upset about it the people gonna go out and rage and kill the sharks in that area how's that for sorting by others instead of sorting myself so the meaning for him was this was a learning experience that's what it meant to him other people would mean I maimed for life with the different meaning that he communicated if he would have said I'm maimed for life I'll never be the same you know I can never accomplish anything I'll never a woman remember be attracted to me I'll be a gimp for the rest of my life we would have linked those meanings do you think he would have been in the same state yes or no no way by the way maybe this is temporary right I don't know I don't know this guy I'm not gonna be around a long time meeting him but I can tell you four years when I've done his interview people who absolute what I think are spiritual masters what I mean my spiritual masters not flying the East to meeting somebody who sits and meditates I mean somebody who doesn't have the lease of the legs or their arms and lives an absolute joy as totally loving it tries to figure how to contribute to other people to me that's a spiritual master I'll tell you what there's tons of them and they're my friends now cuz I gonna learn from them you know I find out they have developed belief systems that have helped them to interpret human behavior in a way that causes them not to be upset because no matter what happens they finally figured out something if you want to succeed in life figure out how it works and then do it that way not the way you think it should be see what most of us do is you run around live with all these rules about how life should be about how you should be about easy to be how doctors should be how style should be how patients should be be now they're gonna be how they really are not how you want them to be and then every time they don't meet your criteria you communicate yourself it's time to be annoyed or maybe a more intense word is that true when you have an upset of any sort you're feeling some negative emotion it always comes down to really you have a feeling of what was– but do you ever really lose now you never lose anything it just changes form ain't nothing in the entire universe ever disappears nothing not your physical body not rocks not stones nothing everything in the uniform universe transforms from one form to another you take water you try to destroy it let's say you boil it what does it become steam everything in the world transforms to a higher level it's always transforming you got to realize you can't lose anything you can transform things you can't lose anything now you can try and pretend you've lost something you can maybe be upset with somebody in the go oh my god I lost their love or or they lost mine or I've lost respect how did he lose respect he can't lose something that's already inside of you see the problem is people are you know looking for love in all the wrong places love is not something you have to go looking for when it's where you come from love is not something have to go looking for when it's where you come from so you can't lose something everything you thought you lose is already inside of you see if you won't feel respect it's cuz you aren't choosing to focus on being respect then you're not communicating yourself you should be respected what if I said something to you and I said it in a way that made you feel disrespected it made you feel disrespected or you took what I said managed to interpret it represent to yourself and communicate yourself that my saying and that kind of voice means I don't respect you therefore you can't have these feelings does that make any sense no do we do it all the time yes do we want to continue to do it no you want to change that you can't ever lose anything now you can perceive you lost something by the way do some people who've not lost the limb not lost their eyesight not lost anything feel like they've lost over little stupid things yes or no some people feel lost about something they never even had in the first place like they have this goal that didn't happen they lost my ball you never had it or they have this expectation most upsets are about expectations that aren't met isn't that true you expect something something you expecting something is something expected life to do something you expected the weather be a certain way and it didn't happen you go I lost now how could you lose out on something you never had you must have been very convenient so you can't lose but if you want to feel bad what you have to do is have the illusion of loss create the illusion of loss that's all you have to do to feel bad so I'll guide you how to feel bad step one feel bad create the illusion walls I want to make sure you take notes and I want to feel bad you know what to do okay now have the illusion of loss what that usually does does that creates the second major emotion in the anatomy of human emotion and that is feeling of hurt feel hurt and usually what happens is people don't notice for wass thing they notice they feel hurt if they're sensitive cuz this stuff happens pretty fast doesn't and we forgotten it's lost all we know is we feel hurt anytime somebody feels hurt what it really is they have a sense of loss about something they lost out on their expectation they lost out on what they thought they had they think they've lost out on something else they think they're missing out I think something has changed I think they're losing something and they feel bad they feel hurt how many times I've felt hurt and a personal relationship great tell me raise your hand to tell me what did you feel hurt about give me an exam yes sir you've heard about dishonesty meaning you thought this person had been dishonest with you now are we absolutely certain that this person was dishonest that he felt that was dishonest yes or no is it possible this person was not dishonest but rather he interpreted their behavior as dishonest yes or no yes or no that conversation my mom not long ago I couldn't even believe it she was like all hurt well she said I'm really in she was she went to the next level I might as well tell you what it is most people by the way don't stay in her a man's immediately amp up into anger is that true that's right and that's the third emotion so if you're angry what you really are is what hurt which means you really just have a sense of what that's really it so my mom was upset was like what you've settled me about know what I do she goes well she does flowers for seminars and she asked me if I would contact this hotel and have the hotel like used her services and I said I'd be willing to but I don't think they do that and they never do it for us well she talks somebody else and that somebody else told her that the hotel does it all the time and they contract with somebody else see your son must not really care about you now she was also in a very stressful state as a state we're in and just our normal life affect the way we interpret meaning yeah she was stressed about a bunch of other things so while she's in a stressful State somebody said this to her into it oh my son he just thinks I'm a pain in the butt he just he just he just wants to get rid of me he must be ashamed of my work he must not like my flowers he would not create all this wonderful stuff can we create all kinds of in her head I'm good at creating in your head good I am – we all are I'm not picking on my mom trust me oh boy it's on video on how I'm really in deep she taught me everything I know he didn't teach me a good deal of what I knew gave me a great foundation for my life point is though seriously is she's all upset and she thought that I have lied to her now for someone she said she lied to her what do you think happen to me like me honesty is one of my highest values I'm probably too honest I tell people everything I what right the fact that you question my honesty how many of you something question your honesty and you know you're honest I mean that really upsets you what do you think I got when she said that angry how could you say that and plus I just did all these things for you and I said I remember and all the stuff I was doing for her and I said I have never lied to you my like well me when I was a little kid but not since man I said what are you talking I can't even believe that why was i angry because I felt wyatt by her statement and I felt hurt because I had a sense of what wasa my loss to us how could we lose that connection of knowing who each other are my my own mom I might do anything for I just got done doing this anything for her that I mean blew her out of her shorts she didn't ever expect it I blew out of the truck interesting picture and so you know what happened those I realized that if I respond to her in a state of anger well that probably work no it didn't work so I realized I need to change my state and I asked myself a question that helped me a lot the question I asked is what's probably going on with her that makes her treat me this way or treat people this way or respond this way instead of how dare she what how could you treat me this way after I've done so much for her which would do what make you more what I'm sad different question I asked so what's going on with her that's making her respond this way what she stressed about I asked her and she told me she apologized and just dropped right away I'm here to tell you a belief I want you to remember for the rest of your life that if all you do is remember this how the whole week and really remember at the right times it'll change the way you communicate with other human beings and I believe is this then in any communication with another human being well you get a response from someone in any communication with another human being and you get a response from someone that response is either a loving response or cry for help in any communication that you have with another human being they give you some kind of response they respond to you in some way and that communication is either a loving response or a cry for help that's it those the only two kinds responses so one more time in any communication with other human being and they respond to you they communicate to you they react to you they respond to you that reaction that response I don't care what it looks like on the outside and what it seems like it's either a loving response or a cry for help which one do you think my mom was doing in this situation was that a loving response or a cry for help cuz a cry for help and help to say I'm feeling what hurt because I have a sense of what it may not be true but that's what I feel that person the cry for help now how do most people respond to a cry for help with another cry for help is that true how do I first start to respond to my mom she's angry with me she's never like how could you do this to me what's going on I came back so I was following a cry for help how dare you how can you say this we don't pull this crap let me look what I do free what kind of crap is this interesting so when two people are yelling at each other crying for help back and forth who gets out nobody see you know what happens the anger doesn't stop what happens is the anger goes one place either starts going out to other people and becomes resentment which builds and that resentment may be expressed or not expressed usually resentment is expressed non-verbally to other people and some people do it by taking their examine the resentment and they express it by what they call confrontation and they actually feel good about it they say I'm not one of those people keeps it inside I confront people little bastards I don't really build a quality communication well-knit I confront I don't keep it inside you I'll tell you what's wrong yesterday when you dismiss me feel this way I request with you Jay you change hmm never try this hmm you know what that doesn't work it can work anything can work the tone of voice she uses those gonna play a bigger role than what you say and when he would agree your facial expressions can play a bigger role of what you say how many great and somebody else can sit there listening to you and say yes I'll bide by your request but inside the window okay that's not communication that's not quality communication we want to change and enhance our format the other thing we can do is we feel anger instead of presenting and confronting we can just keep it inside if we keep it inside usually what it becomes is depression it would oppress they don't even know why these people are depressed they felt like they're not in control my things are happening not in our control of the night communicate and get control of their life a lot of times depression is directly relating the fact that kept this anger inside these upsets and they haven't expressed and they become depressed how they can relate to this not new but other people you've seen in their life I thought so so the bottom line is we've got to do when somebody responds to us with a cry for help has given them what kind of response which of juice monsters should we give somebody when they give us a cry for help a loving response is that always easy to do now what it requires is you to remember that no matter what it looks like they're just really crying for help somebody's angry how dare you do this to me you go oh you guys are crying today you should go you should you come back go hi I hear you I appreciate you I love you that's not my intent how can make this work I want to make it work thanks for sharing your feelings with me let's do it what will you do to make it work how can make you feel better because I'm committed to that I can make you feel better I'm gonna do it what is it good thing I kind of feel the whole tank let's do it [Applause] get the idea you don't want to smile or cry for help by crying yourself you want to be bigger and the way you get bigger is you remember this you remember it you use it you make it work this will change your life that one belief if you also execute it you know what you learned today you learn some skills today that are so easy it's so simple all you gotta do is commit to making him a habit so you not to think about anymore your life will change forever your personal life the way you communicate to yourself your practice your team and most of you already so bonded you're incredible but is there always a deeper level that we could pursue yes or no there's always a deeper connection and if it's possible should we pursue yeah why not have more ecstasy why not be closer why not be more loving well not be more connected why not do more why not create more why not make it happen why not why not us why not now so we're gonna do so get the feeling for what it is it all comes down to meaning we change the meaning we change it all the example to us on my first book to it this woman calls me up on the phone right on the radio and I love doing the radio responses so I've like real fast me I'll help people all the time I've been depressed now for seven years I said gosh have you accomplished that what have you accomplished that I mean that's pretty amazing I say you depressed Eve when you sleep you know when I sleep what I'm doing is breaking her or what you member how do interrupting your pattern all you got to do okay if you respond people go all of them I'm sorry you feel that way and that's not enough sometimes you got to interrupt the pattern tease them and be loving but tease them because if you just call it it's okay it's okay they'll just they're getting a lot of feedback they're being rewarded for feeling bad is that true so you got to be careful you got to be loving but you got to be fun and love it so that would be my response a loving fun loving response and outrageously fun loving in response that'll break their pattern do something to expand so I said well what's the challenge ago because my boyfriend left me seven years ago he left me he left me he took my whole life I said he took your whole life yeah I gave him everything I said everything you kept your voice I hear lives run forever why is she in pain that's right she feels tremendous depression actually because she's been angry because she really felt what hurts because she has a sense of what are there people who end a relationship and don't feel sense of Watts yes or no yes because you have to tell yourself it's lost you have to communicate it to lost how many has found that the past what you thought was a loss was actually your game but when you thought it was a loss how did you feel hurt and I mean I've been lots of in was a loss of your own self-esteem well they left me they must not love me I wasn't good enough you know I'm not good enough the loss of all your own self-esteem but you did that to yourself – it's just not true the meaning you made up in your head we're making this all this crap up in our head and it's not true you gotta be careful about the meaning you label things you got to take control of that process so someone's goal of the whole life is over the reason she's upset the reason he's this angry this is not that she feels a lot but she's labeled that loss because of that my whole life is over how would you feel if your whole life was over a bit depressed you better believe it so I said look I said bottom line is I said ma'am you gotta change your state the way the state you're in right now you're gonna keep thinking your life so you got to change your state cuz yeah well I've tried I try so what are you done she goes well I'm taking drugs as well what does he do I feed my therapist for years now I've done this I said you know stop spouse are yelling on the phone the radio right just imagine I can masturbate so what was you crazy so what's going on I said you listen to me right now you want to change this you do exactly what I say when I say now down and you run outside you just held two words at the top of your lungs over and over again next next as you think about your old boyfriend the purse seems like in a deep trance with no reaction right and all of a sudden I heard this chuckling laughing hysterically it's just the laugh I said just yell Matt's go up there and look around see men go next as soon as she started laughing I said think about your old boyfriend she starts laughing think of your old boyfriend she's laughing think your old boyfriend laughing think about old boyfriend pretty soon when she's not her old boyfriend guess what you began to do Wow now my belittling the relationship no but you think she laughs when she thinks about it she'll be able to deal with it better than if she cries you better believe it say our state affects a lot of the meaning we link to things we're stressed or we can make out the worst situation that virtually anything can't wait see you gotta remember you're the producer of this play you're the one writing the script of this movie now some of you go have like one style of writing called drama maybe I'll try writing a comedy instead it might be more enjoyable some of you written a love story my congratulations to you some of you at the adventure story some of you've got one garbled story that doesn't seem to make any sense maybe it's time you cleaned up the script which doesn't mean go back and rewrite at all it means tear up the old one dance till I go back and rewrite the whole script in order to make it work yes or no now what you can do is set it aside and move on from here what a concept beside what do I want now what happened in my past doesn't mean diddly oh man this is what I'm going if you're trying to drive in the future using the rearview mirror as your guidance tool you're gonna crash but you know what your futures gonna look like your past pretty scary maybe I just let go of the past tear up that script you don't have to keep playing that same play write a new one now don't tell me you have a look at the script I've good news no my look who gives a [Applause] put it in the circular file and write a new one you know be spontaneous maybe you want to write something along the way maybe wipe down the whole thing planned out every detail no exact was gonna happen it's gonna happen and then you won't be so upset when it doesn't go the way you wrote the first version of the script calls your expectations in your head maybe then you don't go well this script is kind of a guideline it isn't like my absolute master I'm going to be peeved maybe that would help things a lot see the whole key is the quality of life is the quality communication number one with yourself because nothing has a meaning except the meaning you give it the meaning give it's gonna Turman how you feel it feels gonna Turman what you do what you do is gonna shape your destiny if I interpret this means this person doesn't love me and now all of a sudden I'm gonna feel lousy about it and I'm gonna do things either verbally or non-verbally to get back maybe or at the very worst I'll withhold my emotions because I don't wanna be hurt again and is that withholding make more relationship better yes or no no and now all of a sudden we start to drift apart and then I start doing doing things that will change my destiny can separate me from somebody I really love and somebody really loves me all because I made up a bunch of crap in my head nothing has any meaning except the meaning given online and so if we want to change our lives I really want to make things work make sure I remember this right you know it's not the event it's what we do with it that determines the quality of your life it's not the event it's what you do with it determines the quality of your life and what we do with it is what we do with it inside of our head it's not the event it's what we do with the event the determines the quality of our life what do we do with it inside of our head we can take things that destroy other people and cause them to make us better this whole seminar today you're gonna go through as a result of me having an event that was not pleasurable last night especially since I was exhausted I had no sleep that also amplified my feelings about the situation and then what happened was I asked myself a question how can I use this what's great about this I was not feeling as great how can I use this what's great about this it was great about this as it means what we tried to do before this wasn't making sense we're not quite you almost had it but it wasn't quite there so it's great about this I found that out because I want to share with you the best what's great about is I can use this intense emotion to see what really will work and the most intense feelings I've got wow what a great deal it's not the event it's what you do with it and remember the meaning you associate or assign to something the meaning you associate frenzies or assigned to something determines how you feel and what you do so Amelia meaning you associate or that you assign to something determines how you feel and what you do throughout your life determines how you feel and what you do throughout your life bless you the problem is are you communicating to yourself in a way that's empowering or disempowering and what would you say a good deal of time it is probably if you're not totally happy disempowering so the problem is not the event the problem is the meaning that you're associating the things that's affecting your actions throughout your whole life the trimming your destiny is probably disempowering of the deal of the time if you're not happy if you're happy you're probably assigning a lot of empowering meanings aren't you you've come up with some core beliefs some ways of looking at the world that really help you help you evaluate things in a way where you're really in charge or you're not in reaction so if we want to really take control then you got to remember what I've already said nothing life has any meaning you set the meaning that we give it so for example the doctors staff the doctor raises voice says please give me this or maybe as I please and give me this he doesn't say the word please what does that mean scumbag doctor that's what it means it means he doesn't respect you right means he doesn't care about you right now what it means if you're upset that's what the meaning you've attached to it yes how many would agree what else could it mean he's angry if he's angry or he's stressed or he's frustrated does that give him a right to snap at you yes or no no way we're not making him right we just want to know what it really means first does that make sense how many of you have ever screwed up can I see a show of hands how many of you have ever snapped at somebody it had nothing to do with them it was just your state you were so stressed about something else how many done there's even people you totally love like your children hmm I'll try it again very nice just think about that now when the doctor does that instead of going here's no right to do that you're right he has no right to do it you're absolutely right and you need to help him so he doesn't do that anymore you need to help him not make him wrong if you make him wrong is that good enroll him and not doing this again yes or no doctor when all of a sudden you keep asking your staff they'll deliver something you need something incompetent you don't care I mean they're not as committed as you you're working to the ball you're on the time you read even getting pay they're getting paid you must not care about you so what it means no what might it mean they're overloaded they're overworked you beat them to a pulp they don't want to talk to you because you've been real mean and hard to be around they're trying to void you daddy away because they're afraid they're gonna set you off I noticed that was a doctor that was laughing huh ma'am it's not possible but see which meaning you assigned will determine how you feel and how you treat people isn't that true and it doesn't just stop there it continues because the truth is most of you don't communicate all that you feel and it's a good thing Kuzma word spoken in a moment of anger some words like that are never forgotten now that's not true you can forget that but people think I'll never forget that then he'd tell him how never forget I'll never forget never I will not forget that they work real hard to remember but how many of you forgotten your own home telephone number address our house call the word though so you can forget catch it yes actually forgetting is a very useful tool I may want to teach you before the weekends up the power of forgetting not forgiving forgetting hmm is it sometimes useful to forget especially if what you're forgetting is only your perception especially since your memories are nothing but myths anyway because if you ask my mother I bet she'd have a different story true that's right see the bottom line in life then is we've got to make sure that we assign a meaning that empowers and Dassin doesn't empower disempowered by the way we don't really know for sure what the meaning is unless we ask by the way do we always have to ask now sometimes we can hallucinate that people are coming from the best place how often would it be useful to loosen eight that people are really coming from positive intention yes see if you question my behavior I can probably deal with that but if you question my intention that is gonna really hurt me because I'm gonna go don't we have a relationship don't you know who I am but that's probably not how I'm gonna respond I probably just followed the cry for help I'm being pissed off you could ever question my integrity or my intent or whether I care about you how can you do that after all I've done for you and then people start justifying noticing all things they don't for you I think it really needs more man and centrum so we've got to really do is we've got to say okay I don't know what the meaning is I'm not sure what the meaning is but I'm sure that the intent is positive the person's either stressed or something else but I know who they are I remember who this person really is the moment doesn't matter this too shall pass is that true unless I decide to try and hang on to it not let it pass have you ever tried not to let something pass it's to be painful after a few days you come home you caught that one huh you come home and your spouse is watching TV again the reason is safer again they didn't say they love you again what does that mean scumbag that's an advanced divorce they don't care they don't love me they're not attracted to me anymore can't imagine why do let me be attracted you when you in this personality probably looks another man looks at other women can't imagine why when they get to come home to seeing you in this unique state because they don't have very good taste that's why they've got maybe they know what they've got maybe that's why they're looking the meaning we link to things determines our actions therefore our destiny and order to share that with you the key then is to choose empowering versus disempowering meanings the key for us from now on is when something happens we're gonna probably have a reaction after we're done with a little reaction we should sit back and say what's the more empowering way of looking at this what might be a moron bowing way of looking at this what else could this mean because I choose the empowering one I made me wrong is it possible the person really is a scumbag I guess anything's possible but if I don't empower you looking in that way because people tend to be whatever you make them you have a right people tend to be whatever you make bringing one friend and I want you remember this Mike the cno's whatever you look for you will find whatever you look for you will find whatever you look for you're gonna get and by the way the way we look for things is we ask questions about people about our life about ourselves let's how you look for things the way you direct what you focus on is ask a question very quickly look around this room as fast you can I want you notice everything in this room that's brown quick everything it's brown brown clothing people's hair floors any brown brown brown only brown brown brown brown brown brown brown close your eyes with your eyes closed now tell me everything in this room that's red hmm raise your hand if you see a lot more Brown than your head that you see red raise your hand open your eyes look for red now see everything you see in this room it's red red red red anywhere you can see it clothing people anywhere you see read read read read read the ground read read read let me see a lot more red now Rihan guess what you get what you look for and I got you look for it by asking a question that's also how you get yourself to look for things by asking a question like what's wrong with this person you know what if you look you'll find what's wrong it's wrong there's what's wrong with them why are they said just come back okay why all right there's one reason here's another here's another how come I can never succeed let's see here you look inside you so yeah these vendors on right level yeah is here yeah I have my childhood all the reasons we get a little bit before you find somebody's horrible and could you find something good in them if you look for it yes or no yeah because you're the one that determines whether it's good or not anyway I've been true could you find something good in Saddam the same if you wanted to I'm not saying we should if you wanted to could you do certain people think he's good yeah people say hey he's gotten back our land I don't necessarily agree but you don't agree to be able to appreciate is there a difference yeah you can appreciate somebody's view even if you don't agree with it you can appreciate that for them if that's true you can appreciate that they have a different reality than you have about something most of us think we all have to share the same perceived reality I'm sure we share the same physical reality but physical reality is not what most of us experience we experience a perceived reality we've made up in our hand it isn't that true and so do you remember what the titleist technology is bridging realities what we're gonna want to do is build a bridge between our reality and somebody else's so that we can connect and have a relationship we don't have to make them live in our reality we don't have to hold our realities their absolute we can create a bridge and by having that bridge we can exchange information between our two cities our two communities of emotion our two communities of understanding they had create a connection we're no longer separate we're connected and we can share we can have our own identity and feeling we can also connect and share there's no limit we can do it at any moment all we have to do is choose to cross the bridge all I got to do bridge the reality I'm gonna show you how to do that with people for the rest of your life it'll change your life like a few things you never learned in your life it will be so simple it'll be a joke but it starts with this basic philosophical understanding but the way you feel it's based on the meaning you give things you're the one giving the meaning no matter what even though it feels like somebody else the question is a you an empowering meaning or a disempowering name and if you say yeah but look I got proof I've got proof that what I'm saying is true do you want to be in right or do you want to be in a relationship do you want to be right what do you want to be in love no I'll write that down ask yourself another question of the future next time you're an argument I'll ask yourself I'm gonna be right I don't want to be loved cuz that's really a choice that's really it see I think I told the last time I was here out of time few years back we're at a unique partner who I really cared a lot about in Belle's over quarter million dollars I mean seven or fifty eight thousand dollars in debt I got a bit peeved by this I got angrier than I ever remember because I felt so massively one hurt and it's cuz I had a feeling of what loss the money was part of it the ability to not have to think about money was another part of it an equally big part of it was I cared about this person it took advantage of me I thought the lost trust loss of love loss of connection all that got stacked into this anger nobody would hear that let's see the truth of the matter is do I have every right to be able to point and show that this guy is wrong sure will that make my life better no I gonna do say how can I use this and move on not make him right not make him wrong just go okay kinda wonder what make a person do that you know when I first started asking what would make a person do that I created my entire destiny Technologies it probably is the most powerful set of distinctions I made my lifetime cuz I figured out how I could use it what I could learn from it instead of how come this happen to me and I turned my finances around like 500 volt my little company doing 4 million dollars a year 50 million dollars a year it's a fairly large jump all because I chose to create a different meaning the meaning is this is a chance for me to go to the next level my meaning is this chance for me to learn and make something better than that's ever been before once you link that meaning the world changes just remember if you don't like the way you feel change what things mean change your perception of what something means or change your actions that's what it takes and you'll change the way you feel that heartbeat I put a little metaphor here a couple of for you I just want to remind you that and you decide you can't find something also never I said what you look for you'll find when you decide you can't find something you'll also discover you won't find it because when you believe something is true when you believe it's not you're right how many of the experience of having somebody say to you something like can you find me the salt you think yourself would you want the cabinet's again these salt as you're walking you're thinking I don't know what the salt is you walk up there you open up I don't know what is it you really do look don't you you really look but you already have this belief that says I can't find the salt so what happens you miss letting go it's not in here the Oh any diagram it's right there on the shelf you know it's not that walking they walk right beside you we train for your face you go what is this and what is it how many vampers happen to you now the saw wall saw you there you said tell me what I look for all flying that's what you look for an Ernest you'll find see what you really want the answer to you'll get there you go why am I so happy but you really don't want to know the answer you're not gonna get the answer or what's really great about this person you'll get an answer it's only what you seek for and Ernest if you don't look for something you won't find it you're right if you don't commit yourself defining it you won't good thing for you remember what do you do when an upset happens well let me give you an example what I learned from racing school changed my whole life I race cars formula cars and so I went to several different schools by the way to do this you'll never forget in my first school the first thing they really taught us at this one school for racing is they said the first thing I to do is you're gonna know how to recover you've nothing recovered before anything else how to drive a car you guys not to do how to go forward you know how to do that what you got to do is learn how to recover when you hit the skids in the road because if you don't do that your racing career is gonna be rather short or rather painful and most of you are trying to race through life and a lot of you are having rather painful time because you don't recover very well or you recover but in the process of recovering you smashing everybody else's car along the way that makes the next trip around a little infil for the people they see you coming by they kind of avoid you a little bit going I'm not getting too close to this doctor this staff member this person this account the secretary this telephone person the person around the calendar I'm not doing that because if I do they're gonna smash me up to the process of them trying to recover so what they do is they put you in the skin car where they make you go through the process of about d2 crash where they knock you off track but it is the skin car they've got a little computer they fire if it's computer and what it does it has a little left and listen to your wheel then you never know which direction I'm with so you're screaming around the track screaming screaming screaming screaming you're not doing full speed like 140 miles an hour they start you a little slower like we're doing this morning you go about 6070 miles an hour but 6070 miles an hour on tracks pretty intense and you for a wall and all of a sudden you start to skid out of control and what they tell you in advance is well you got to do is when you start to skid out of control there's only one key look where you want to go focus on where you want to go do not focus on what you're afraid of now what do people do in life we focus on what we fear and we get more of whatever we focus on i'm simply tell you there they said look whatever you focus on that's what you're gonna go with a focus on you're gonna get more you focus on the wall you're gonna get a lot of wall real fast you're gonna crash but you're neither gonna just focus on what you want not where you think you're going not where you think you are if you're not where you want to be if you're not where you wanting to go focus on what you want to go immediately don't hesitate they said now what you're gonna have to do is when you do this it won't feel like it's working at first cuz you'll still feel like you're going into the wall because what happens you have so much momentum in that direction the even when you focus on where you want to go they'll still be a little bit of momentum in that direction and there'll be a little bit of a lag time before the car turns so don't because you don't see the turning turn back and look as you do you're gonna go right there and crash keep there you have to use that f-word what is it hey so what happens is you turn you're going in going in and one good for those people doing personal mostly don't even turn what I do the first time I'm scheming launching model since I've got a control go I don't look I'm at the wall my instructor last minute save my life I grab my head and going and pulling my head physically in the direction I should be looking which is directly 90 degrees opposite of where I was going right I'm having for the wall that's why I need to look so all about the grass he goes like this we pulled my head over here and all the sudden we get up and why ii turn away I went oh my god heartbeat Anatomy I said maybe I should try a different sport I thought now this is a good metaphor for life so let me do it again so I got there and you never know when they're gonna do it you're going you're going you're going I don't sign I'm starting to love writes it again Racing racing awesome this isn't I start going and what I did who I pulled my hand I'm like pulling my head in this dragon he's like keep on to go on this way look what it's pulling and I'm way to win and sure enough car turns just in time after a while you know you do something happens you notice what it is you don't scare it what it is you figure out what it is didn't go that's a wall snacking that what would it be like to smack that smack that my body will go here my head will go now what happens is you see the wall you know what it is you only acknowledge the problem long enough to know what it is and then move on know what it is hmm focus on where I want to go the minute I can it if I what it is and that's not where I want to go who so I'm heading for the car and it's like no now you just get off it's so fast focus on what you want and you'll get more of it focus on what you fear and you'll get more of that focus on what you want and you'll get more of it focus on what you fear and you'll get more of that bottom line is almost everybody in life focuses on what they fear and that's why they get more of what they don't want well yeah but what if this happens what if that happens you keep asking what if this happens what if that happens I guarantee you're gonna crash it's only a matter of time instead you ever say well what if this happens what I want what will happen we're gonna make this happen what I want and the more you focus on that the more of an experience you'll have and what it is that you want your life you'll get it right away now here's the problem you've got to still hang on to your F what is it faith you know what faith is faith is understanding the seasons of life life comes in seasons doesn't it it's not always the same but it's still predictable as a whole how many of you were surprised when winter comes cuts each other you know you would be surprised you don't be surprised when who comes and are their emotional winters yes or no you've got to believe there are other times you try to communicate while doesn't work all the times in the office where it feels a little frigid well gold that's not just the air conditioning what happens during the winter you break out a fire see some people freeze to nothing to winter either be Mesquite the meaning of winter is whatever you do with it isn't that true wait there's nothing wrong with winter what if it was always summer much about to get burned some people get burned in the summer some people get tan some people swim some people go on vacation springtime is a great time to you have to planned follow you get to wreak you know what happens to some people life well some people do is they say okay I know what you said Robbins I turn my focus but it's not working you're still lag time God's delays are not God's denials that's the laser not God's denials you're in lag time it'll catch up Hey look you think it's fall we're still in winter do you think it's following you in spring or you've made it to summer but we're not to fall yet don't be so darn impatient take on a new prayer lord give me patience and give it to me right now be equally intelligent it's like some people think okay I don't know what I want I want this seed to be a plant they speaker the soil they come back the next day and they go where's my plant the soul goes are you new that's not how it works he played it here okay you come back every day and take care of it all right you make it through the whole spring then during summer when it's hot you got to really really take care of it because it gets even worse during that time and you make it through all those seasons in the fall maybe more than likely not always but most of time you will have a plan to you that's how it works that's not fair that's not like this how what he doesn't know how you think it should be is you coming back each day the plant will see you come and start laughing you know look at this guy what's the matter with it why don't I have it lag time that's why don't make yourself wrong because you're doing the right things and you don't see the results yet takes time most people completely overestimate what can be done in a year and underestimate what can be done I can tell you my own career my own life my business life my heart and soul every day every day 276 seminars a year the morning my giving my all anybody knows me will tell you all my all every day no matter what you know what I was broke I was frustrated outside in terms of the business business where nothing was working not and I kept you know ask myself great question like why am i screwing this up so much it wasn't me screwing up it slide tongue how to make distinctions how to build something takes time but then the other day I got a little reality check which we're gonna teach you today no reality check is I flying up Los Angeles to do my seminar there in my helicopter my jet helicopter it's a tough life but someone you have to live it so I don't have to drive for three hours I jump in the helicopter I'm there in 35 minutes and plus I go down and dive down by the dolphins in the water and let's back up and play it's like having your own roller coaster and I'm flying over this area where I used to work in Glendale California I worked there as a janitor I drove my 1960 Volkswagen that literally broke down on the freewoman day because the wheel fell off I worked in the middle of the night so I could still go to school then I got paid five dollars an hour but as a janitor they figured how many hours it should take so I did half the time did a better job and I learned if you give more value you could turn one good thing for me to remember all of a sudden I flew over the bank and I stopped seeing a helicopter you can stop I can elevators boom right there and I just hovered above where I used to work I thought that was 12 years ago I never for four or five years after that I never thought I could have ever had what I want let's see the world moves for those who just never give up who will move for those who persist forever and who changed their approach they're flexible and how they do it they don't just do the same thing over and over again the world move for some of us faith we'll move to somebody else trust and then acts on that trust that's the world mood for some day you get to look down and go cat was there one time that's pretty exciting that's pretty good see just because you can get it when you want it you may have overestimated in the short term and underestimated your long term power and potential we mentioned something earlier but I want to make sure you put in your notes and that is the state we're in in the moment the state rent at any moment powerfully impact impacts the meaning we associate to something the state we're in in the moment powerfully impacts the meaning that we associate to something or that we assign to something so one way to change what things mean do you just change a darn state it's that true I mean if you're feeling great new things just kind of bounce off you that normally if you're feeling upset would you change the way you look at them probably change what you feel about you bet so we need to really still manage our state we talked about that a great deal last session I want to make sure that that's part of your life's work cuz your life's work is really learning how to live in a way we just spend most of your time enjoying yourself very little time and paying most your time in pleasure very little pain and living your life hopefully in a way we're not with you you feel good all the time but the people around you feel good just by being around you that because they're around you they feel a lot less pain and fun a pleasure to have my idea of success success is when you've learned to live your life in a way where you experience tons of pleasure every day and almost no pain and simultaneously where the way you live also causes the people around you to experience very little pain and tons of pleasure then you know you're really successful because if you feel good and nobody else does you're a failure now that doesn't mean you go around trying to make everybody feel good some people have an investment in feeling bad because they think feeling bad equals feeling good are the people to believe that yes or no because they think if I feel bad then people will notice me or they'll love me more they'll help me more I'll get more attention which means feeling good people have weird crap they we were gonna come inside their head about how to get to feeling good some of you think I'm gonna feel good when I make a billion dollars some people like when I have this this in this when I get married to have these many children this and this then I'll feel good some people have well I'll feel good if I feel bad because then people knows me and make me feel good or you could just like choose to feel good which one you think might be a more intelligent approach cuz who's in control there you are you don't to worry about the environment by the way when you're feeling good it tends to make you want to feel even better it makes you sharing good other people which makes them feel good which makes them reciprocate usually not always but usually kind of nice so the bottom line is we got to manage our state still and as a reminder as far as that's concerned changing state means change meaning and the way you can do it is either by changing your wet and Ben remember from last session change your wife change your way change your physiology physiology again means the way you move the way you breathe your facial expressions your gestures the way to use your body determines the way you feel you gotta remember that for the rest of your life if you're not feeling the way you want to feel first thing you do is just came to what you're moving emotion is created by what motion emotion is created by emotion these are 50 muscles in your face a slight change and these muscles will radically change the way you feel then when we did this last time I think what I like you do right now real quick is creep some tension in your body some tension then put a big huge smile on your face while you're doing it notice how filled how many feel somewhat excited when you feel this and he sees our hands you know why excitement has tension in it the only difference is you sent a different biochemistry in your body you fire off different bio chemicals when you make a smile physically it changes you want to get depressed what do you do drop your shoulders look down breathe shallow drool change what you move some people have limited emotions because they have limited motion they're trying to express their feelings they go have something important I want to share with you hear me feel me I am an illness versus listen to me come on let's make this happen let's do this you understand I'm talking about here the more emotion you have the more emotion you have and the certain emotions you're not feeling because you're not making certain movements happen in your face you want to change that you want to go for more see did I mention you last time did we talk about how certain people living together for a long time to get to look like each other dimension it remember why cuz in order be in rapport we like people like us so we mirror back similar facial expressions we do it enough Li literally mold our muscles to me in that way and we use those kinds of emotions on an ongoing basis a lot of people look like their dog I don't have the explanation for that I don't know if they're mirroring in that case right there's a big somebody like you're right let's see the thing we got to realize is we've got to control our physiology so throughout this day as last time I want you to remember to live at level 10 remember that means living level 10 means you got to do is ask yourself on a scale of 0 to 10 where's my level of energy zeros dead 10 is unstoppable which levels gonna allow you to get more of this weekend which 110 without a doubt if nothing else happens from you coming in these fortune programs but every time you get here you demand from yourself for four days to live at level 10 you think you might develop a little stronger emotional muscle yes or no and what do you see what used to be hard to do like demanding 10 is the way you live it's easy it's like you can live that way easy no problem and now you go home you live at that level does that impact your patience yes or no does that impact each other and then I'll office yes or no does it impact your home life does that impact those ecstacy ideas we had about the relationship at home yes see if your level 10 every time with your personal relationship with that enhance it yes or no so how do you determine whether you're a 10 or not you decide to go there and the way you decide to go there is you gotta ask yourself in regular basis where am I see I found the more you measure something the better against if you don't measure it you're not gonna do well you set a goal on New Year's Eve and then you check next New Year's you're in trouble because you had one correction it was at the end of year it's too late once a month you got a better chance once a week you can really have once a day you won't have a guy you won't have a bad month wish it was a bad day more we measure the better we get so we've got to do is ask herself whirlwind a scale from zero to ten where are you right now let's go through ten hmm sit right now like you would have you're at level ten that's clear you weren't at ten minutes come on so the way you be at level 10 I mean Housley totally energized excited having fun being outrageous and playful sue Collini sitting right now for your level 10 come on and most oh you're not a ten come on come on this is not pan let me see 10 here come on even more energy come on and most of you will probably have to make some noise or somebody body to get to level 10 come on wake me up come on come on come on come on come on come on come on [Applause] now this is level 10 now go to level 2 and imagine trying to learn in this pace for the next three days go back to level [Applause] now I want you to commit you're not going to drop below level eight for the rest of weekend are you gonna do that yes or no yes or no great now if it's tough to stay at level 10 you wanna put yourself to level 20 so just as a reminder stand up and then while we do this put ourselves in a yes state I'll remember what that means good then what I want you to do right now is take off your jackets you have that not your blouse ma'am just the jackets now we're gonna put ourselves in that yes state we're gonna put ourselves in that state I talked to that last time number I gave you a metaphor the last time we were together a reminder I said there's a puddle of water here in front of me and I'm an old person I got out of that water what will I do now and I just walk around it I'll walk around it and bitch about it while I walk around okay but if I'm a kid how do I deal with a puddle yes little mats the state we're going in all those ones that for the weekend say I if you're in that state and somebody like Tim Long's again how do kids feel with that you would that be a healthy response thing on this okay looking for new ways to hiss and get this worsen would that be more healthy yes or no sure it's more playful to more outrageous next time somebody is real bitchy just a real bitch you back we'll do it funding well that break their bad yeah piss them off even more well at least we're moving them in some direction so when I see now what you're gonna do is you're gonna wake your body up like a little kid again you gonna scream wait wait wait wait yeah screaming yelling be totally outrageous like a kid if you weren't here before you'll catch on quick then at the peak of our being totally bizarre weird outrageous playful seductive fun adventurous and outrageous again but we're gonna do it the pika dadoes we're gonna go and clap my hands and say that would guess right at that moment and when you copy insane say yes at that moment your jobs getting more energy more excitement more outrageous just in the moment before we'll do the faster and faster the amble to the wall clap but what I want you to do is go to level 20 on this on a scale from zero to ten you're gonna go to level 20 you know that's impossible that's why we're going to do it cuz also once you've been to level 20 level 10 feels like you're relaxing by contrast okay first let's just try the word yes strongly in those South fields again ready strong now let's put it all together you won't get again the outrageous traits and energy come on [Applause] now how many of you how many learn at level three now some of you here for the first time know what have I got myself into it's a cult if they yes cult now how do you get a mouthful you push yourself beyond what's comfortable and you do it consistently and that creates growth so we're gonna do it again I barely survived the first one let's try it again right about here be outrageous tomorrow [Applause] now in this state if somebody have some petty upset with you could you handle it gray didn't get a bouncing hug from the person next to you grab a seat [Applause] and uh we said there are two ways though that we could change our state one was to change our what now nice and loud or the other is to change our focus change the way we're representing things to ourselves like picturing things in our head is one way we focus somebody has to show up on time we picture our head I'll see why because they're out there messing around a little care about me cuz this and this and this nothing what we focus is by what we say to ourselves we represent oh well they're not doing it probably because they don't really love me we talk to ourselves in certain ways the kettle's negative feelings but if we change what we focus on we change what we feel if you think of something you're afraid of and you focus on it we feel it you bet if you wanted to feel depressed right now how many could pull it off no problem how would you do it you remember don't you little reminder here just put yourself in the lousy physiology or easily then the way you could do it of course mess up your biochemistry eat in a way that drops your blood sugar through the floor or ask you to pull it off all you have to do is think of something that once happened it made you feel bad something I'm gonna pass and remember it again that seems very intelligent doesn't it and feel bad about it once again how many of you would go to a movie that was terrible over and over and over and over again how many would think that would be real intelligent let me see your hands if you look what are your friends said yeah I was look ahead sucks I'm going back there again intention is my got about 4,000 what would you probably ask them why would you go back there well because I have to would you believe them I don't believe you either when you tell me that but I always believe in you cuz I know you know better you don't need to go those movies anymore don't want to miss anyway made by poor directors lousy writers lousy producers you're a better producer director and writer now you're probably a better actor or actress so why not create it the way you want it instead of seeing the same old movies over and over again most producers I know don't sit and watch their worst movies over over and over again and feel bad about him again the Muslim does they go that was part of my learning experience time to move on how else could you feel bad by the way you could do it currently couldn't you all just do is think of something you think you've lost that maybe hasn't even happened well think of something that you want that you're not getting right now I feel bad about it or you could think of something it hasn't even happened yet and feel bad about it in advance can you do that like oh my god and focus on what if this happens oh oh oh gosh remember a coward dies a thousand deaths a courageous man or woman only once does the coward a million times it feels like they're dying a million times you have any faith any courage that if it really ever does happen you'll just deal with it once you feel the pain only one time sort of stacked over and over and over and over again you want to feel good could you do that sure would the producer go back to some of their best movies and see them again do you think yes or no will they even share some of those movies with their friends you know what some people do some people actually take the worst moves that pass and go share them with their friends their worst movies tell them all about all the gory details of it and the Franklin's yeah that's really great let's see a real great producer director shows in their current films shows them some examples of films that about to come called previews previews a rather exciting usually or they show them the best films in their past and share those with them so the people get to enjoy more of their life maybe even learn something who knows well you could remember something once happened it was great feel good about it you can think something right now that you can feel great about or you could think of something hasn't even happened yet and feel good about it in advance what determines what you focus on though is one thing the questions you ask yourself the questions you ask yourself determine what you focus on in that moment what questions you ask are usually controlled by your beliefs but you could ask any question but unless you do it consciously you'll just ask the same questions that are in line with your old beliefs your old BS belief systems so the bottom line is you gotta have better questions and I will tell you the question I want you to learn to add the next time you get upset with someone this is the first question I would ask myself if I were you what else could this mean what else could this mean I will know a person is intelligent when I say this – this happened I sort of get upset and I thought to myself well what else could this mean you know maybe it doesn't mean what I think it means maybe they weren't really being harsh maybe what means is their stress maybe what I'm hearing from this person about what they said about me is not true maybe what it really is is a distortion not that they mean to distort but it's a distortion maybe what I've heard this person said about me as a deletion maybe this person is generalizing maybe this person heard through somebody else maybe that person misinterpreted what I said maybe this whole thing isn't accurate maybe it's accurate but they're stressed maybe I'm just stressed right now maybe what this really means is I'm stressed I need to get more resourceful and be more loving and I can handle maybe what this is what this means is it's a chance for me to go to the next level what else could this mean you're only upset when you've decided on a meaning that creates of upset so if you're feeling upset what else could this mean cuz again how many of you have ever thought something meant something I've been upset about it later on you were wrong how many have done this so wouldn't be smart as a first step to always ask what else could this mean and search for other possibilities see with my friends I always do this if I care about somebody I always do this and what I've learned to do is even people I didn't so much care about or didn't even know what else goodness me see that makes your whole life open up and expand see once you think you know what everything means you're in deep trouble because when you're a kid you don't happen you stand this big giant doorway but then you became an adult and you notice the door you started to say I know how this door works and you closed a little bit he said I know in the world is you close the more I know the world is and pretty soon now you know how the world is you absolutely know how the world would see when your kid you didn't know how the world was it was just amazing how big the world was it was amazing how much wonder the was the world and what you go learn how much you grow stimulated you well you were stimulated by all kinds of things because you didn't know for sure what everything was you're always curious about what things were because an adult you now know what everything is and if it doesn't fit in there it's wrong we won't open a door back open by saying well yeah but what else could it be what else could it be what I was gonna be what else coulda me what else could it be although free that a question I tend to ask myself is gonna know everything there is to know about this do I know everything there is to know about this somebody says something to you they're really upset with you or somebody reasons your voice I mean Amy what else could it mean I don't mean distress could mean didn't understand couldn't mean they don't even realize they're yelling could mean that they need some support could mean what I know it means it's a cry for help could mean that I'm oversensitive right now could mean that I react to voice tonality instead of real feelings could mean that could mean nothing could just be something that came to win do I know everything there is to know about this no I don't know ever they guys know about this I mean there's all kinds of things could be going on I don't know open your world again we're gonna teach you do this in a format that makes sense now the thing that happens though if we want to be able to really take control of our meaning is we gotta pay attention to our emotions so in your notes write down emotions under emotions now in fact you might want to write the word negative emotions negative emotions negative emotions and then so you write it down and cross it out the word negative anyway what are some of your negative emotions tell me what they are fear what else pommie hate what else anger what else guilt what else worry what else upset guilt what up frustration I got a question for you are they really negative I'm going to tell you there's no way than negative every emotion you've ever had in your life serves a purpose the problem the reason it's negative is you've been calling it negative instead of getting the message that's been trying to give you every emotion you have including those you think of as negative those ones you call negative emotions I call them emotional messages I also call them calls to action all those negative emotions is used to label them are really a call to action fear is a call to action by the way do you feel that call to action in your body when you're afraid yes or no does your adrenaline start pumping your whole system start gearing up emotions are a call to action and the call to action says one of two things has to happen that I call imagine it's a message every emotion is a message a call to action and the action the message is trying to give you is that you need to change either number one your perception of this or number two your current actions every negative emotion you've ever felt is not negative now you may be overusing them I'll agree with you you may be indulging in them I agree with you you may not be getting the message from them what's making it negative is you're not getting the message it's trying to give you but every emotion fear frustration hate anger guilt all of those emotions are here to serve you if you get quick the message what most of us do is we just indulge in the emotion so we never get the message and that's why it's a negative because it starts screwed up your body because what it is is a signal signal the act and you're not acting that's why you feel sick to your stomach you're not acting you just keep on indulging emotion not hearing the message so the message is always you must change something negative emotions are saying you got to change something either change the way you're proceeding this change the meaning you linked to this change your perception change your focus or change your actions change what you're doing cuz it isn't working that's why you're having that emotion don't make your motions wrong I appreciate them be grateful for them but immediately then ask yourself hey what's the message that my emotions trying to give me here what do I need to change I'm reception of my actions this makes sense yes no so then how do we make use of it well first of all notice this how do most of us deal with our emotions most of us deal with our emotions by suppressing them back before you write that down actually I put over here four ways to deal with emotions four ways to deal with emotions I think the number one way most people do with their emotions as they try to avoid them by the way how effective is that no you might do it for a moment or two but most people they just try to avoid feeling isn't that true people like who don't like to be negative dinners are so afraid of negatives I try not to feel any feelings now if you don't feel any feelings you really gonna have some pain that's what wife is for wife is part of the juice of life is expressing and feeling but sometimes people have so much pain they say I don't wanna feel anything it never because eventually it comes out anyway and then you feel bad about never having felt that you feel bad about the fact you didn't feel good you have a sense of loss because you didn't feel things second way people try and deal with emotions is they endure them they're gonna grunt it out we render these I'm gonna make it through this I'll hang on to this and again this doesn't work now let me try and disassociate after a while here again or they may try and suppress the emotion I'll just endure it I'll just keep pushing it down and I'll make it through it I'll just endure it that doesn't make it better either Third Way but some people do I don't know if you've seen ever seen this happen I'm sure you've never done this people compete to see who feels the worst some people just they keep track of their emotions so they can share them with other people and compete so somebody says aw man I feel like hell oh you feel like hell let me tell you I feel you think you got a problem they tell you my problem you think you got the biggest problem check out my problem it stands out to hear then people sit there and try and argue about who's got the worst problem well the fourth thing they don't have up there that say the fourth thing that people do is try and share their pain share their problem they think oh I get rid of my motion by sharing with others so they try and get other people to feel bad too that way we'll be friends we can share in the pain together let us love each other are these very intelligent ways to deal with your emotions yes or no now you don't want to avoid them you don't want to endure them you don't want to compete who's got the biggest and worst emotion trying to make yours worse than somebody else's you don't want to share them make them feel bad to what a friend you are instead what you want to do to step 5 learn from them and utilize them you want to learn from them and utilize them now in order to learn something utilize the more a change in emotion we have to change what something what's to us starts with an end we have to change what something whyatt means to us we change what something means we transform our emotion we have a transformation does that make sense in other words if I'm feeling really upset about sin I'm angry angry angry do I have to communicate that to get off my anger no not necessarily I'm angry because of the meaning I linked up what if I change what it means in my hand I realize that's not what it means then will I feel angry yes or no yes or no if I'm really angry about something I'm angry because of what I've linked up to it I'm saying well I'm angry because they did that and that means this but if I really analyze it and I look at it for a while I go that's much a crap it doesn't really mean that then I'm transform my feeling do I now have to go to that person and say what you did made me angry yes or no yes or no no because I don't have that feeling I truly don't have it I'm not suppressing it I transformed it suppression however is when you keep the same meaning that you keep the same meaning you're upset about something and you keep the same meaning you don't change the meaning all you try and do just stuff the emotion you try to pretend it's not there that's suppression so if you keep the same negative emotion you don't change how you feel about it you just try and pretend it's not there that's suppression and that's when you get in trouble so our goal is not just to take things and not suppress them and just express whatever we feel because if you just go express whatever you feel you don't think it out are you gonna always communicate well yes or no now in fact you may say things later on you'll regret in the heat of the moment because you're in state so what you first want to do is see if you can transform it honestly and sincerely and if you can't and your goal is to get someone to help you to transform it go to the source and get the source to help you to transform this so you know what I felt this way about this I made up this bizarre meaning I know it's not true because I know who you really are but this is like a crap I did in my head can you help me city to change this can you give me some more information or some feedback or help me to clarify this thing I kind of screwed this up in my brain because I know that's not what you meant that's what I did inside my head can you help me out it's that different then you know something the other day when you do this I felt this which by the way implies what they did me feel something is that true yes or no does anybody do anything and make you feel something yes or no yes or no absolutely not absolutely not now you have a right to feel the way you feel but that isn't true that it's actually what made you feel that way you chose to make yourself feel that way you communicated that to yourself so instead of saying when you do this that made me feel this that's implying that somebody made you do something and that takes responsibility away from the one person who can change your life meaning you so I request in the future this nothing wrong with any of that I want to do is enhance it the way one the Hance it is come from the place of I'm communicating because I want to transform something and I'm responsible not them you know I need your help I need your help the other day when this thing I'll happen I use that to interpret that to mean this and I know it's not true because I know who you are I need some clarity can you help me out I got to clean this up and me who's responsible by the way what do you want to help you yes or no by the way what you're really doing here is making clear what you're really doing which is you're doing a cry for help maybe not crying you're making a request for help instead of crying make sense and people here this is a request for help and do we want to help other people yes or no especially else we're all in the helping business that's why we do what we do that's the bottom line so we're gonna develop a format like this where we don't suppress well we don't just express cuz you know what happens if you just go out there whatever you feel you express what you really do is you vent and then you make it right or you demand see venting and demanding does not make communication better in the long term how many would agree with me on this I want to go to a different level we want to transform our communication when it fans school form what things mean to us now here's what I want to be able to have you deal I want you to be able to take the emotions that you're experiencing and be able to deal with them quickly so I want to give you six steps to changing or dealing with not dealing with it I guess utilizing is the right word six steps to utilizing any emotions you feel that you used to call negative which now I call emotional messages or calls to what calls to action whenever you're feeling a negative emotion which we're now going to call emotional messages it's a call to action and a saying you need to change something what do you need to change one of two things repeat back what are they change either number one you're wet no while you could change your physiology but if you are getting feedback right now you're getting a negative emotion that negative motions a message it's saying you've got to change either your perception or your actions and your actions could be the way using your body or your focus or whatever to change your perception of your actions now here's what happens when you get a negative emotion or now an emotional message number one you want to identify what the emotion is so you starting to feel negative things want to do by what is the emotion now when you identify the emotion what the emotion is like you're feeling you're really upset ask is level what am I really feeling underneath this you might like it on the question what am I really feeling what am I really feeling so when you say I'm upset I mean so what am I really feeling and what might your answer be when you say what am I really feeling I'm upset with this person what am I really feeling I might be feeling hurt does that change how you feel and that moment is you identify that yes or no yes and when you say what am I really feeling you might put a little note in your notes use some TV use some TV when you come up with your label transformational what vocabulary so instead of saying I'm destroyed I'm devastated I'm humiliated you might say I'm feeling a little bit hurt use TV and use what I call softeners softeners are the words like a little bit Oh softeners and TV here's the second key once you've identified what it is and by the way usually it's gonna be I have a sense of hurt or a sense of loss almost all emotions will probably come down that in most cases is that true in most cases not all second thing you do acknowledge and appreciate the message it asks for you don't deny your emotions don't avoid your emotions don't suppress your emotions don't make them wrong don't share them start by identifying what they really are and then acknowledge and appreciate the message it has for you in other words acknowledge hey this is a real emotion I'm glad I'm having it it's gonna have a great message for me then go to step 3 get incredibly curious get incredibly curious as to what it has to offer you as to what the message is get incredibly curious as to what the message is underneath this one number three is you get incredibly curious as to what the message is write down the question what is the real message this emotion is giving me what is the real message this emotion is trying to give me what is the real message this emotion is trying to give me and offer you some ways to do this let's do the all 6,000 you know we're going step 4 get the question on 3 some you're still there question number 3 is what is the message this emotion is trying to give me what's the real message number 4 get yourself to feel reassured that you can deal with this emotion get yourself to feel reassured that you can deal with this emotion see a lot of times the stress is oh my god how am I gonna deal with this so get yourself reassured you can deal with emotion the way you do that is remember a time when you've dealt with this emotion successfully in the past we're a member of time when you've dealt with this emotion successfully in the past so if all of a sudden you start to feel depressed that's a pretty negative feeling I first of all wouldn't call it depression I'd say a little bit down the first thing you do is you go all can feel this terrible feeling I'm starting fill the brows so what am I really feeling well I'm really just feeling a little bit down okay great you know what that's great I appreciate that's a message I need to get curious what is that message what's the message this thing's trying to give me and what depressions message usually is by the way is you need to reset your priorities that you don't feel like you're in control you got too many things going at once you know you feel out of control when you're depressed so what you do is set some priorities and go do the first one on your list that's what the message is telling you you feel out of control the way to get in control reset your priorities and go do one thing and complete it the minute you do your self-esteem will go right back up so that's the message so what's the message it's offering me by the way I'm gonna teach you the nine most powerful emotions that you probably experience what their messages are so you don't have to wonder about this you'll know what they are step 4 get yourself to feel reassured by remembering times will be dealt with this in the past if you ever feel a little bit down before what used to call depressed how many have ever felt that way in the past let me see your hands how many of dealt with it let me see a show of hands great if you remember that two things happen you're gonna feel reassured you can deal with it plus you're gonna remember how you did it which means you can use what you did in the past to change it right now wai-wait most of us forget the best parts of our past which is how we dealt with things and turn them around we just remember the negative feelings that's kind of weird and we need to manage our memories better remember the things that have resources for us and forget the things that don't number five get certain get certain that you can handle anything like this in the future get certain not only can you deal with the emotion you have right now but we should do use this as an opportunity being certain for yourself get yourself certain the vinegar happens the future I'll handle this emotion quicker and easier get certain that you can handle anything like this in the future by rehearsing yourself dealing with it in the future in other words think of a time in the future where this depression could come out and see yourself feel yourself rehearsing again use this as a tool of empowerment so you remember time when you were depressed before you a little bit down you turned around took a little while but you feel right remember what you did I dealt with this before I can deal it again and then you say let me take this opportunity to get certain that I can handle this if it ever came up in the future and the way I'm gonna do that I'm gonna sit down right now I'm gonna think I'm okay what kind of things in the future I'm mikeandfi well I might expect some didn't work feel bad about it let me think of a time like that okay let me see myself hear myself feel myself deal with it you see hear and feel yourself dealing with it easily and you do this two or three or four times and you keep doing it to three or four times then in the future when it comes out guess what your brain will do you're better than all I can handle this I'm already prepared how many you're following logic with this let me see your hands okay so get certain you can deal with in future by rehearsing and by the way remember this you might want to put the same notes your brain cannot tell the difference between something you vividly imagine that's something you actually experience your brain cannot tell the difference between something you vividly imagine when you see it here you feel you taste it you touch it you smell it and you're in your mind and something that actually occurs if you doubt this have you ever had a dream or so real you got every physical response to it how many had a dream like that okay you're gonna have a dream anytime you want even while you're awake all you have to do is wear something your mind enough times vividly enough and it's real if you over and over again rehearse yourself dealing with emotion easily then it's real next time it comes up you've already got the programming you already have the resources to turn around in a heartbeat then this emotional message it's dealt with for the future not just for today and the six-step take action and change your life whatever the message is take the action that you need to take and change your life do something doing something always will change how you feel you feel bad because you're not doing anything and by the way you'll continue to feel bad until you do something to change so you do anything it'll improve you and move you in the direction you want to go so let's take another example what's another a negative emotion you feel that's you're an example when you felt recently somebody raised your hand rejection so what's the first step when you think you're feeling rejection what's step number one come on guys what is it identify it specifically identify what the motion really is let's call it that identify what the emotion really is identify what the emotion really is so you ask yourself what am I really feeling so a person said rejection what were you really feeling Shh no let him answer that's your answer his answer was disappointment is that different than rejection yes or no yes or no yes and by the way when he realizes he's just disappointed it's not as intense as rejection is it what happened with one question his pain just dropped still painful probably but not anywhere near was intense am i false or true and then okay great now so he's disappointed great so now he knows what he really is disappointed he might even add some TV or a softener here and the softener might be he might say I was a what a little bit disappoint a little bit this point okay that makes it even less now what does he do number two does he make himself wrong for feeling that way yes or no yes or no what does he do he's the acknowledged and what else appreciate the fact that he's getting a very valuable message and the message he needs to change something easy to change his perception about it so he's no longer disappointed we need to change his action so he doesn't be disappointed now or in the future step three wasn't you do get incredibly what like a little kid what curious what we're curious do we learn things more we learn better world curious you been so need to get incredibly curious about what this message has to offer him if you were really curious what do you think that message really had to offer you perhaps this was just an unmet expectation that was plaguing place up here and wasn't even reality what's happening to his level of emotional intensity right now how many CD that's dropping can you see that okay it's dropping right now you're great can you remember time next step is get himself free wet real a great and the way to do that is get him to what remember a time when he's done with it have you ever been disappointed before and dealt with it can you remember a specific time and you turned it around made it good you remember specific one think for a moment of time when you turn around and mid gray you actually took it me to your advantage remember time like that how'd that feel so you know how to deal with this don't you well I have a question for it what did you do back then that changed it he read to find the terms he's gonna use he changed his perception or his rules great how about feel when you resolved it so great someone he goes to reassure this to things happen in the reassurance one is he sees he can deal with it he sees and feels he can deal with this easily and number two he sees how and number three he remembers how good it feels to to relieve himself from the feeling so remembers how good it feels to get rid of it which by the way it makes him want to get rid of it right now once the last two steps step number five what do we want to make sure when the tree doesn't just not feel bad about anymore now but we want to make sure his future is better we want to get him what get what certain that he can handle this in the future so he probably feels really certain right now but you know what I'd like you to do I like to think some other area in life where it possibly in life you could have gotten disappointed in the future some kind of thing that might come up do you think it's something that could come up and do that look he's already knows close your eyes for a minute it just sort of all what I want you to do is I want you to think of that things starting to happen we start to get disappointed or feel rejected actually is what you did initially then you realize you're just despondent then you just handle it see yourself handling in the future even better than you have in the past and those are good at feel for many amylin can you feel that think of another time something that could happen in the future where it might been a real real major disappointment but see yourself handling real quickly real easy getting off and making it work and notice how good you feel soon as you handle it yeah do it one more time do three the third one some other area life we were really disappointed see you feel yourself handling that real easily real quickly let's got it good how do you feel about your ability to deal with us in the future more confident how many gonna hear it his voice you hear that he the depth in his voice the last thing is go take action and change it he may have already done that if it was changing in perception or you can go do it physically how many follow the system okay we're gonna be one more I need a volunteer up here so everybody can see this person cuz if you woulda saw a spacious now change somebody who's had an emotion that you really you know recently had bugged you or crayons of negative feeling free somebody's got one of those Oh nobody in the whole room I don't want to be out there I don't know what he'll do oh boy all this all his people here a pointing to this guy here that your staff pointing at you dr. Bob dr. Bob give me in yes indeed great yes sir he's gonna reward you guys for this later he probably will actually dr. Bob what's the negative negative message a negative feeling that you've had recently that you'd like to change you really are committed to changing that's bugging you disappoint me to rejection well it seems like that's going around let's be counselor the rejection virus people are spreading it okay well which one would you like to deal with are they tied together well actually it's a pony what question we just asked for him to say actually it's I he's already done step one what's the question he just asked for him to already say actually it's uh what did he ask he asked he first of all sir identify what the feeling really was then named the question he asked is what am I really what feeling what are you really feeling anger anger ah what what's that really well what that really is is uh I was angry because I felt rejected mm-hmm and I was really disappointed about what happened the circumstance so what's he done he's managed to stack his negative emotions one on top of another and by the way this is unique to dr. Bob nobody else you know does this do they but what are you really feeling all that stuff what's that what's behind all that stuff you just really feel what rejected rejected disappoint I mean it's just kind of discounted by you look like a computer that keeps running the same program over and over again agent Roger this is a boy he's running right back through the thing do you feel hurt yes yeah you feel rejected or do you feel hurt I feel hurt you feel disappointed who do you feel hurt or do you feel sense of loss I sense a loss you feel rejected if you feel sense of loss sense of loss do you feel angry you feel sense of loss sense of loves you feel her do you feel sense of loss loss what does it always come down to loss we can call whatever you want okay so he's identified it so next question is what we wanted to do should he feel bad about having those feelings yes or no no you know what these are valuable messages that are coming to you they really truly are but that what you should feel bad about is indulging in them and not using them not learning you want to go bad feel bad if you don't learn anything then feel bad and then get tired of feeling bad and just decide to learn something because you learned something as soon as you ask we're kind of learning for this right so right now instead of making wrong why don't you do for a moment is really appreciate those emotions acknowledge the fact those emotions are have a valuable message and then immediately get what like a kid get what they're curious for a second as what those messages really are what what can you really learn from that what does that message really offering you in other words let's go back up for the first one you said rejection I be rejected or disappointed what do you really what is that motion of rejection trying to tell you the relationships important love's important it's telling him that relationship is important that love is really important him is that a valuable message yeah what was that disappointed and then telling him what was the message he was trying to tell you person they say I don't know if you did know and it had a positive message what it's always telling you to change something telling you to change your perception about something or it's telling you to change your actions so what is that emotion disappointment telling you to change what what do you need to change how do I love how he loves and what way do you need to change how you love how its communicated shown how it's communicating so how do you need to communicate and show your love more effectively I'm curious is that better than feeling rejected disappointed in loss yes or no is this a power tool transformation in this man yes or no okay so stay curious cuz that's it instead of going oh I don't know the answer we don't know the answer and you're a little kid what do you do you get even more what if you don't know the answer to volt got into the air through the net that I don't feel so good they go I'm getting more curious you're plenty of time it's curiosities need to be more confused means you're about to make a change is that true see when you know what things mean you'll just keep doing it the way you've always done it he was not confused we went from just wanting I'm projecting pressure back he kept doing it over and over he was not continuous do you know exactly how to do that now he's confused just little brains go on this little computer for the network on the same way so the don't so I knew please help them out with this what do you need to change in order to no longer feel this you can change your perception or your actions are both and what what do you need to change about your perceptions wouldnt you change about your actions you may want to write that down so my actions should be different look that worked if what I did didn't work you need to try something else that's right so I need to communicate that differently I behave differently okay how many hear what he just said do you understand what he said he said what it's saying is the way I communicated in fact I got rejected is a message that was really important to me and then I need to change the way I'm communicating so I get what I want because obviously it didn't work so I got to change my approach is that true that different then I'm not worthwhile as a meaning or they don't love me as a meaning yes or no huge difference in how I feels have you ever felt rejected or disappoint in the past and dealt with it really powerfully or really effectively yes remember a specific time yes okay go back to that time and remember how you dealt with it and then you turned it around and made it something positive okay how'd that feel first of all great sense of accomplishment yeah that's right and how did you do it I took action what did you do take action how did you do that what'd you do I I start doing things differently I'm expressing myself differently did it work yeah by the way what is this doing now it's teaching his brain if you do this you're gonna get pleasure what you used to do gave you what and the brain is always trying to avoid what and move towards what he's teaching his brain right now he's rewiring his brain a little bit here how about a way like he isn't his computer I see something you get pained when I do that I think it's because you think oh do you think I'm just a computer no I didn't see you as a spiritual being who also has a filtering system and that filtering system sometimes you allow to take control and keep you from doing what you do naturally which is just love and appreciate other people including yourself okay so we got to deal with both sides how it is how we operate unconsciously as well as who we are we want to deal with how we operate so we can be more of who we are now I'd like you to think about this for the future first of all you feel pretty good about you to be able to deal with it right now yes yeah and by the way it doesn't really look like a deal there now yes or no so think about the future am I giving someplace in the future well you could have felt rejected or disappointed something that could come up that could cause you to feel rejected or disappointed okay okay close your eyes if you would and see yourself using your skills an Lea ten times better quicker more easily turning around right away and feel I'm good at deals or turning that around okay how does that feel it was good can you do it yes easily your heart I can do it you can do it okay great now I want you to do it that's great so now we close your eyes don't you think of another time we'll come up only this time the way to do it easily I want you your resources inside of yourself you haven't thought of before and I want me to do it even enjoy it turn around make it happen easier and quicker okay okay looking I'm asking to do it can you do that against it yes I'm asking a better question it gives me better resources okay you see yourself handling a quicker and easier in that one yes how does that feel great how many see the difference in hear it in his voice okay let's do one more think it's something else come on the future we could have felt rejected disappointed but now cack now you handle really as a real quickly just like this okay have you already done it mmm-hmm easy a little faster this isn't he it's got some experience how do you feel when you do that super super look at his face now if someone were to say I'm gonna reject you now thank you very much [Applause] so I want you to try this let me help you another step would it be useful so to be singing long learn you inside here trying to search around goal what is this emotion need I don't know what it means let me give you 9 emotions and what they usually mean ok would that be helpful right set up your channel some remote energy then put yourself in a peak state and let's take a look at what 9 these emotions are 8 or 7 whatever I put up here are number one fear so if you're feeling fear what does that mean usually what's the message the message always is that you need to change something is that true yes or no so every negative emotion means I've got a what I've got a wet change something either my perception or what I'm doing fear means that you got to prepare for something you're afraid because your brain saying messages prepare change what are you doing get more prepared prepare for something that's going to happen so you're better prepared for it physically now sometimes we just indulge in the emotion and we stay in the fear we really are prepared for example it's said you're gonna give to speak in front of a group and you're prepared but you still have fear it's because you got the message you did the work but you didn't shut the emotion off and say you know I am prepared no reason to be afraid anymore I'm ready I'm ready you never told your brain it's ok don't forget the message anywhere I've done my work ok so it's saying you need to prepare for something maybe it's a physical challenge maybe it's preparing for some loss that may be coming up something's about to come up you need to be prepared for it ok just get prepared but once you get prepared get off it let your buddy know ok I am prepared move on focus on what you want now what's hurt hurt it usually is telling you an expectation you have nothing that just tell ya you have this expectation it's not that so what should you do when you have an expectation it's not that you should focus on what you do want now write down your notes focus on what you do want now don't keep focusing on why you're disappointed or how somebody disappointed you or how you feel so hurt by them ok an expectation wasn't met and you need to change your approach focus on it or it means you need to change your communication hurt means you expected someone to treat you a certain way and they didn't treat you that way so you need to change your communication you to come to them and say you know I need your help you know when you communicate that way in the past I've interpreted that to mean you didn't care I know you care because I know how much you love me and I love you but you know could you help me out this way what does it really mean to you when you do that and then listen so you know in the future I really appreciate it if you do it this way instead would that work for you would you be won't do that okay great fantastic it's a message says you got to communicate your needs better if you're feeling hurt hurt means I need to communicate my needs better or hurt also means I need to meet someone else's needs so you feel hurt because you need to meet their needs that's why I didn't meet yours either you're not meeting their needs or you're not communicating how do you need to be met or you have an expectation you move on this is not gonna work out so focus on what will third anger anger is a message that says you have a major rule that's been violated when you're angry you have a rule that's violated we all have rules about how things must be and how they should be and boy some rules if somebody violates some of our rules and we really get angry know it by the way you may also be angry because you violated your own rules how's that true yeah you're not doing what you believe you must do and you get angry with yourself sometimes we end with ourselves we spread that out toward somebody else find something lay blame on for frustration frustration as messages that what you're doing isn't working and that you need to what change you're frustrated means you still can succeed but you got to change your frustrates us Scott something's here you know you could succeed you're frustrated because what you're doing isn't working change and you can still get what you want phlex disappointment disappointments a message again you expected something happen it's not going to so immediately focus on what you want now focus on what you want now it's a message that you have to get off it you need to let go of something and move on and focus on what you want now guilt guilt is a powerful emotion if it's not abused and overused an adult did any of these emotions are lousy if you indulge in them would you agree with me on that sit there indulge in your fear and your hurt in your anger and dull Jimena keep focusing on the feeling instead of getting the message of moving on learning guilt thought can be valuable it's telling you you have violated one of your own standards and you need to do something immediately to be certain you won't do this again you're having that pain of guilt because your brain is saying you just violated one of your most important standards of your life you violate when your own values and you're gonna keep getting this pain until you make yourself certain you're not gonna do this again you know what some people do they just keep going back and feeling guilty about what they did in the past the message is saying get clear you broke your own rules and commit no matter what you're not gonna do it again they could clear be certain you're not gonna do it again and your will go away like that because that's the purpose of guilt to make sure you don't violate your standards and make sure you do it well in the future could your standards be unreasonable you bet there's a woman in this room I heard about it was feeling guilty because last night she came here and she wasn't with her kids on Halloween oh my god let's all look at that person I don't know where they are let's pretend we can see them they give them dirty looks how dare you come I returned the person who doesn't hear you hey you know something's funny we all have rules our rules are always fair yes or no now sometimes they have totally unreasonable rules I cannot be successful we have to like changing our world tomorrow have everybody happy all the time have everybody love us every moment how our kids be thrilled make eight billion dollars a year all right been pretty hard to meet that rule so sometimes the feedback you're getting about frustration or disappointment is sometimes are saying you got totally unfair rules for yourself sometimes when you're angry maybe saying your rules are too stringent for the maybe you need to remember about those people for templates have a few less rules you have a lot less anger does that make sense salmon if you feel overwhelmed helpless or depressed or unhelpful so depressed that's a message and the message of your brain is giving you is your over choked what people usually say oh man there's too much change everything in my life don't you can't change everything in your life at one time do it a step at a time where do you start where you are sit down and reprioritize overwhelm or to process and then prioritize and it's determined list of what's will support for you to do what could you do right away and start feeling better we're gonna get right away to start feeling better we're going to take control right away he will absolve it all we'll just what could you do make less than order and then go do the first one take action this is saying what we love the saying you got to stop trying to do everything at once you need to make a list of what you need to do and do one thing well soon as you do that one thing well you'll feel like you're in control of your life keep one commitment to yourself all the sudden you'll do it again you start feeling like you're in control you don't feel depressed anymore nobody by this there how you doing feeling along all that is as a message you need to connect with people and it change the way you're doing it right now you're receiving your alone change what your perception is you change your action the while hate somebody one talks about in this she so you feeling won't means egg means you need to connect with early-mid and nine if you feel inadequate that's a message they eat either change your standards you mean unfair to yourself or get committed mastering this area change your standard some people like they feel inadequate must are perfect at something the day they started how many were great first day that you ever tried to tie your shoe how many do you're confident tying your shoes now this is I've had some a real confident note how do you feel like man you can flat out tie your shoes no problem you see a fancy no problem why that's right guy should do it all the time so you didn't do over and over again you get good at you feel inadequate maybe because your standard is you're trying to be perfect the first time you're not gonna be perfect the first time out dumb okay this is let's help you yes or no