Dave Chappelle - I'm Not Taking Advice From A Convict

Dave Chappelle – I'm Not Taking Advice From A Convict

#DaveChappelle (“Chappelle’s Show”, “Half Baked”, “Dave Chappelle’s Block Party”) dropped by the Montreal stage at the Just for Laughs festival in 2000. Chappelle jokes about working at #BurgerKing , #ScaredStraight , and more!

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[Applause] it feels good that was stand up again I took a year off from staying if not that I don't like staying up as much as I just don't like microphones I'm sick of talking to them I mean I used to work at Burger King for six years I didn't work I worked the grill a guy named Steve used to work the mic and I thought it was a it was painted by a sister their time someone orders them hi how are you could I have a whopper with cheese sure you son of a bitch I'm right behind you just turn right at me for you know Canada Canada's nice this is kind of like a kinder and gentler America in a way even like the police are nicer I'm not gonna say too nice I don't know but they just smile at least you know I've been to jail before twice not as a prisoner one time was from childhood I was suspended from school 23 times there in February I wasn't bad daughters mischievous like I hold all my teachers home phone numbers by the time I thought it was funny area I was calling in death threats I know that's bad man you know my English teacher mr. Johnson I called him up he was all nice on the phone hello Johnson residence this is mr. Johnson yes it is and who might this be you're Doug Van Johnson who is this shut up punk you better die unless you change Davey Chappelle's great I don't know how you caught me didn't they put me in a program called scared straight have you ever heard of this this is where they put bad kids like me in prison and the prisoners yell at us they tell us scary stories you know they tried to scare us into being good and other kids were scared but I was not scared I was just heckling the guy there shut up convict I'm gonna take advice from you you look like a person who made all the right choices in life rap what's up I gotta be out of here by 3:00 time you even let's go the other time I was in jail was had nothing to do me I was just bailing a friend of mine out of jail which is probably no big deal to you but if you're black dude you know you got to walk right into the belly of the beast you want it black B wants to go to jail I was I was scared I had to look non-threatening hey how are you I'm here to bail out a friend of mine oh okay while you're here you do fit a description if you'll just walk this way I like to play blackjack I'm not addicted to gambling I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle my father the cheapest men aren't on earth my father so cheap when we go to bed he unplugs the class

38 thoughts on “Dave Chappelle – I'm Not Taking Advice From A Convict

  1. yo 🙋🏿‍♂️ entire adams family are convicts

    as the whites slaves yo asses to 🇺🇸 then yo 🐒 ruins 🇺🇸

  2. That’s true, when I went to the sheriffs department once upon a time to get a county report on myself to give to a landlord, one of the deputies was typing my description into a computer to see if I fit the description

  3. You know the end of the joke about the police man going "whilst your hear you do fit the description" and thats exactly what happened to one of the central park five, crazy that jokes a reality.

  4. Holy shit that's so true, I'm a whitie but I gotta do the same damn shit to make me look less threatening like going to get my concealed carry permit I made sure I didn't put on any of my chains and I wore the most caucasian shoes possible. It's fucked it's gotta be like that but people judge the fuck out of you based on how you look. Im one of those sub-whites, Scottish, "negros turned inside out" as we were called up until the mid 1900's. If I don't dress like a normal vanilla whitie I get dirty looks.

  5. That Burger King mic joke was used in "Half Baked". When Scarface worked at the fast food restaurant!!
    "I'm right behind you, B"!!

  6. His timing is that of legends. It's impeccable and effortless how he rolls with the audience and adjusts seamlessly.

  7. I had to go to the jail house on my own recogni…(I forget the word, it's a toughy). All I had to do was fill out a form, wait to get finger printed and that's all. But, in that short time, what I saw behind the large glass window was pure misery. You'd be surprised how bad people are to each other in jail. If you're a jailer, working in that hell hole all week long, every week except 2 in a year….it's got to affect you, and not in a postive way. You don't grow more sensitive and caring. I think it drives people nuts.

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